It was close to 10pm. Ralph and I were climbing into bed, both exhausted, like we are most nights. Ralph was feeling very discouraged about our financial situation and wished to talk about it. I shared that I didn’t think it would be wise of us to do so that late at night. He didn’t disagree.
Things feel much more hopeless at the end of the day after we have expended so much mental, physical, and emotional energy into our boys and work. I don’t like having big conversations when he or I are super tired. They tend to be more negative than positive.
I volunteered to pray for us instead. Praying together before bed is something I treasure with Ralph. I have also seen God move in big ways through these times. From my perspective, praying was more effective than talking.
“God, you know our situation. It still looks grim but you have promised never to leave us or forsake us. We know that you are in what we are doing, therefore we can trust you. Give us your peace; the one that surpasses all understanding.” In that moment, God reminded me of Philippians 4:4-9. I continued.
“Let us rejoice in you always. Let our gentleness be evident. We know you are near, therefore we will not be anxious about anything. In everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, we are here presenting our requests to you to receive your peace that surpasses all understanding. The kind which will guard our hearts and our minds in Christ Jesus.”
It hit me as soon as I said, “guard our hearts.” Our family had just finished memorizing Proverbs 4:23 the week before. It says, “Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life.” I love it when God reveals things like that to me. I made the connection out loud as I continued in my prayer.
“We choose not to be anxious about our finances, but to trust in you instead. This is one of the ways in which we are guarding our hearts. This is what brings forth the wellspring of life. We pray all of this in the mighty name of Jesus, Amen.”
That brought enough peace to Ralph that he didn’t say anything more about our situation. We kissed, exchanged our, “I love you’s,” and Ralph rolled over to his side like he always does. I turned with him, wrapped my leg around his leg, arm around his arm, laid my head on his pillow, and nestled my face into his back like I do every night.
We were quiet for a few seconds, but like every night, even though I was tired, my mind was going a mile a minute. I had been thinking for days about getting a mouth guard to cut down on the wearing. I decided to say something to Ralph about it even though we had already said, “goodnight.” With my cheek smushed up against his back I said,
“I want to get a mouth guard.”
As those words were still coming out of my mouth, a funny thought came to mind so I shared it.
“Maybe I can find one at Good Will.”
“That’s disgusting,” Ralph snorted.
I burst out laughing. I literally could not stop. This was that uncontrollable, deep belly, abdominal muscles hurting, unable to catch your breath kind of a laugh.
The boys were still awake in their room reading. I could hear them starting to laugh, too. Devin asked, “why is mom laughing so much?”
It didn’t take long before they all came running into our bedroom. They jumped all around me and were laughing without knowing what they were even laughing about. I could barely tell them what happened without another bout of laughter coming over me.
“Ow, my stomach hurts! Oh my gosh, I can’t breathe!” came out in between my hysterics. Ralph sat in silence, not understanding why I was laughing so hard about it, which made the whole thing even funnier to me.
The boys were sent back to bed by Dad because I still hadn’t contained myself. In their room I could hear them making jokes about getting mouth guards at Good Will.
“Mouth guards! Mouth guards! Get your free mouth guards!” Liam said. “Ew! No way! I don’t even want it if it’s free!” he responded in a silly voice.
A chorus of laughter rang out between our two bedrooms, minus Daddy. Finally, I calmed down. The boys, of course, took longer, but eventually everyone fell fast asleep, still smiling about buying mouth guards at Good Will.
The Good Will store has become my favorite place to shop. I walk out of there just about every time asking myself why I had been so foolish all of these years to buy so many things new.
I knew the deals existed, but I didn’t want to take the time to look for them; especially not when my boys were younger. Now, I can’t even imagine paying full price or buying just about anything new anymore.
Ralph and I have had this convo on many occasions about the foolishness of paying full price for things that do not hold their value. Being in a season where we have been selling SO much of our stuff, it is definitely accurate that most everything you buy isn’t worth half of what you pay new.
The next day at the dinner table, it happened again. I started thinking about what I said the night before. The timing wasn’t the greatest as Ralph had just asked the boys to stop talking so loud and making silly noises. My laughter broke the silence.
It wasn’t as long as the last time, but it was that same deep belly laugh as the night before. The boys couldn’t help themselves either. I looked at Ralph, who was just looking at me and shaking his head.
“I don’t understand what is so funny,” Ralph said; the corner of his lips slightly curving up as he looked at me. He still didn’t laugh, but he didn’t get mad at Mommy for disrupting what was supposed to be a peaceful moment.
Very little makes me laugh like that these days. What I shared with the boys at the dinner table after I had calmed down was that this was good, clean humor. I don’t find mockery funny and that’s what a lot of comedy is these days. I am most certainly over jokes relating to the rear end having three boys in our house. I don’t relate to most cultural jokes either because I don’t watch much TV or pay much attention to anything in our media.
You’d think I’d be over this thing about the mouth guards, but that same night when I was laying down, Ralph was reading and I was trying to go to sleep. Again like every night, my mind was going. I was thinking that the mouth guard joke would be something that our family will bring up for a long time. I even imagined being on my death bed, one of those respirators attached, the boys are around me, and Liam brings it up. I saw myself bursting out laughing and the respirator falling off my face.
I was doing so good with keeping quiet as I imagined all of this, trying not to laugh. I could feel myself smiling bigger and bigger the more I imagined other scenarios. I started to snicker as I was seeing them play out in my mind. Suddenly, laughter burst out again. Somehow, Ralph knew what it was about.
“I don’t get why this is so funny,” is what Ralph said and then went back to his book.
I don’t know if I totally do either, to be honest. All I know for sure is that since we moved into our 997sq ft house, I have had on many occasions now these deep belly laughs. Prior to living in our quaint home, this hadn’t happened in probably a decade; maybe more.
Before we moved to Florida, I have been praying with Ralph for peace, joy, contentment, and patience. The peace, contentment, and patience came for me, but it didn’t feel like the joy had yet. I didn’t stop praying for it, though.
As I was laughing at the table for the second time over buying mouth guards at Good Will, the Lord had brought to mind the verse about a cheerful heart being good medicine. It’s from Proverbs 17:22 that also says that a crushed spirit dries up the bones. I am glad to still be taking good care of my body without having to buy supplements or organic food. Those two things are what Ralph and I now call, “rich people stuff,” but I digress.
We are eighteen months into Ralph being home and we still have not generated enough to cover our bills (which we keep lessening) and yet God continues to provide enough for us to remain in this lifestyle. Despite that, our family has never had so much peace, joy, contentment, and patience. Mine and Ralph’s faith has never been stronger. It looks and sounds crazy to refer to ourselves as being purposefully poor, but living like that is what has allowed God to fully answer that five year old prayer.
You can take my couch. We barely sit on it anyway. If you want our boxspring and mattress, we’ll sleep on the floor. We have never owned a bed frame in our seventeen years of marriage because we haven't cared enough to spend money on one. I’ll sell my wedding ring if I have to. It doesn’t change my commitment to Ralph. It’s just stuff.
Our relationship with Jesus, each other, and children are far more valuable. We will continue to die to those fleeting desires and focus our energy on things that have eternal ramifications. To think that this writing was triggered by my joke to Ralph about buying mouth guards at Good Will. I love how God works.
This blog post was written and edited by me. I believe in the authenticity of real people, faults, typos, grammatical errors and all. I also believe that God is intentional with the words that He gives me. If you enjoyed this delightful, genuine writing, please consider subscribing to our blog to be updated about what God has been doing in our lives.
Comments